Chaos
by TheGirlWithGoldenEyes
Summary: "And was that... Gray wearing Natsu's pants? Why were Lyon and Bacchus here? Did he just see Jellal leaving the guild?" CRACK! NaLu, Gruvia, GaLe, among other pairings.
1. Destructive Orgy?

**First (And probably only) attempt at a CRACK!fic. Honestly, my specialty is angst/horror/tragedy, but I thought I'd give this a go because some of my friends find me funny... Occasionally. Like, if it's a good day. A _really_ good day. Okay, I should stop talking now.**

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The guild had been relatively silent all day, and for one _very_ good reason. Natsu wasn't there. Lucy sat at the bar across from Mirajane, twirling her straw around in the sparkling water she had ordered. Wendy and Levy had taken their seats on either side of her. Levy's face was buried in a book as per usual, and Wendy was trying to (not so subtly) sneak glances at Romeo who sat down the bar from her. Lucy was nearly certain that Mira had spent the past thirty minutes drying the same glass.

Gray was passed out on top of one of the tables, just lying about in his semi-nakedness. No one had caught sight of Juvia yet, but they knew that she had to be _somewhere_ in the guild, probably with a pair of binoculars to observe her beloved 'Gray-sama'. Somewhere even farther from wherever it was that Juvia was perched, Lyon sat with his own set of binoculars, observing the water woman. And Erza was sitting in peace _without_ giving anyone a glare so fierce that they could shit themselves on the spot for once.

Cana was drinking about twice the amount of alcohol it takes for a _normal_ person to get totally black-out drunk and do horrible things that they will regret for the rest of their lives... _Without even a buzz._ Macao and Wakaba were watching her with fascination, even though one would think they would be immune to her antics by now. Nab was leaning against the request board, snoring loud enough to earn himself disapproving looks from Max and Gajeel. Jet and Droy were using this time to devise a _master plan _to win Levy's heart... One that was doomed to fail.

The three Exceeds were off somewhere doing God knows what. Hell, they were probably having more fun than any of the members of the guild were at this point.

Okay, this is about where shit started to break down. The doors to the guild burst open. Everyone was startled by the sudden noise- Especially Gray, who awoke from his nap and ever so gracefully slammed himself into the floor. In the distance you could hear a faint exclamation of, "Gray-sama!" In what sounded like Juvia's voice.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Cana yelled, pissed that her drinking had been interrupted.

"Yo!" The voice of a certain hot-head seemed to ring all through-out the previously silent guild. Groans could be heard all around, making the pink- err, salmon- headed boy frown. "Why the hell is it so quiet in here?"

"Because you weren't here, Fire Fucktard." Gray muttered, rubbing his head where it had collided with the guild floor.

"Quit your complainin', Bitchsicle." Natsu retorted, already getting into his fighting stance.

"Would you two cool it with the vulgar language? Think of the children!" Evergreen scolded, totally distressed about their filthy mouths. It was ruining the gorgeous atmosphere!

"Curse words are a man!" Elfman argued, proceeding to list off all of the cuss-words he knew. Evergreen promptly _kicked him in the side of the face to shut him up _in the most beautiful way she could possibly muster, landing with a flip of her hair. Someone shouted 'Ten points!' from across the guild.

"My wonderful peace..." Erza muttered to herself, heartbroken over the entire ordeal. "YOU ARE RUINING MY WONDERFUL PEACE!" She shrieked, launching herself into the jumble of punches and kicks and various forms of magic that were being thrown around carelessly. More and more people kept getting swept up into the ball of madness that had started out with only the hot-headed idiot and the ice king.

"Uh, Erza. I don't think that's... helping..." Lucy trailed off, finding that _somehow_ half of the guild members had been sucked into the mix and were randomly throwing around punches and literally attempting to beat the holy hell out of anything in their reach. She let out a low sigh, turning back to where Mira was. "Y'know, Mira- Ehh?" It seemed that Mira had disappeared too, leaving a cloud of dust in her place.

"Yeah, eat that Nats- OH MY GOD MY BOXERS ARE ON FIRE!" Gray screamed, proceeding to run throughout the guild in panic as his shorts slowly began to disintegrate from his body.

"Juvia will be of service to Gray-sama!" Juvia literally seemed to materialize out of thin air and Lucy began to wonder if she had evaporated out of boredom earlier. "Water slicer!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, Juvia, not the slicer- AH, HOLY FUCK!"

"Yeah, take that you pansy ass little stripper!" Natsu declared triumphantly. Just as he struck his pose, one of the guild tables came flying towards him... And hit him... _Right in the face._

"SHUT UP NATSU!"

"Alright, who just threw the fucking _table_ at my head?!"

"OH MY GOD, GRAY. FIND SOME PANTS!"

"Then give me yours!"

"Guys..." Lucy sweatdropped, trying to call their attention. This was escalating further than she had originally imagined. The entire first floor was already demolished. Half of it was up in flames, the other half totally coated in ice. There were swords scattered about, randomly stuck into the bottoms of over-turned tables and jabbing into the walls- Hell, they were even on the ceiling.

Macao and Wakaba had started arguing over who was going to explain this entire ordeal to the Master. Eventually that escalated into random punches and kicks and magic, just like the rest of the guild. Unfortunately for them, they accidentally knocked the barrel of alcohol that Cana was chugging right out of her hands. The rest of its contents spilled out onto the floor. The brunette calmly looked from Macao and Wakaba to her beloved booze before-

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE SWINGIN', FUCKSTICK!"

And the two of them had to deal with a raging, semi-sober Cana and her cards of doom. Somewhere off on an important mission, Gildarts smiled. He had the feeling that his darling little girl was out kicking some ass... And boy was he right.

Magic continued to be tossed around throughout the guild, leaving an astonished Lucy to stare in awe of the complete and utter destruction that had all started as soon as Natsu stepped foot inside the guild.

"Ice make: Lance!"

"Satan Soul!"

"Requip!"

"Iron fist of the fire dragon!"

Laxus stood on the second floor of the guild, watching the carnage continue to grow. He rolled his eyes. "What a bunch of morons."

Somewhere during the process of this fight, Gray had managed to pants Natsu while he was in the middle of dodging several of Erza's attacks, leaving the dragon slayer clad in his boxers. Gray then proceeded to _borrow Natsu's pants for the time being. _He enjoyed the freedom of going nude, but he'd had one close encounter too many with Erza's swords.

"Where the hell did my pants go?" Natsu screamed, looking around for any signs of the clothing, fire spewing from his mouth in his evident anger. "I'm not Gray, dammit! I don't strip in public!"

"Fair trade, Asshole!" Gray called, smirking at him from a few feet away.

The fire mage gaped at him in disbelief. "Dude, that's like the gayest thing you've ever done. I mean, it's alright if you're into that, but leave me out of it."

"WHAT!" Gray exclaimed. He totally didn't expect this to backfire on him. "I am NOT gay!"

"Pfft, whatever." Natsu blew him off, catching another flying table instead of letting it smack into him this time. "ENOUGH WITH THE TABLES." The dragon slayer screamed, tossing it towards some random wall.

"I'm serious!" Gray yelled. "I'll prove it!" The ice mage looked around for the specific blue-haired beauty he was looking for and grabbed her by the wrist. He pulled her around to face him and proceeded to kiss her in front of God and everyone.

The entire guild stopped, eyes focused on the couple standing in the middle of the wreckage, kissing as if none of them were there... Or at least they _were_ kissing until Juvia basically died of happiness and melted into a puddle on the floor. Gray turned to Natsu with a triumphant smirk, hands on hips. Everyone was pretty much gaping at the unlikely scene that had unfolded before them.

"Beat that one, you glorified Candle Stick."

Natsu glared at his rival. There was no way he was going to be outdone by this stripper! He stomped over to where Lucy was -miraculously- still seated at the bar and pulled her out of her spot. Before she had any chances at protest, he did something _extremely_ un-Natsu-like. He spun her into a dip and kissed her. Her large brown eyes widened at him. After a few moments she decided, 'Eh, what the hell?' and melted into it.

The guild was eerily silent for a while. Everyone was starting to feel the urge to just...

.

.

.

Yep, they were making out... Nearly _all of them._ Natsu and Lucy, Gray and what seemed to be a puddle of Juvia (That is, until Lyon decided to jump through the window and challenge Gray to a duel, though he was hit by a random flying table and knocked unconscious), Gajeel and Levy, Elfman and Evergreen, Mira and Fried, Bixlow and Lisanna, Cana and... (Wait, when the fuck did Bacchus get here?), Al and Bisca, Nab and the request board, hell, even Romeo and Wendy were getting in on it. Jet and Droy sat silently crying in the corner over their failed plan, along with Macao and Wakaba who had received a heavy thrashing from a certain fortune teller. Laxus still thought the entire ordeal was idiotic, though now it just seemed disturbing.

Suddenly Jellal walked in. He had been on his way to visit Erza, but... What... What was even going on right now? He slowly backed out of the guild, deciding to come back the next day and never speak of what he saw ever again. Ultear and Meredy saw his distress and decided to check it out for themselves. They came back scarred. One who had not been there for the entire ordeal could only assume that they had partaken in some kind of massive and destructive orgy, which was honestly what looked to be happening at the moment.

And thus an unsuspecting Master Makarov returned home from one of his meetings to find the entire first floor of the guild in disrepair. Not to mention the fact that a good amount of his guild members were shamelessly kanoodling all over the floor. And was that... Gray wearing Natsu's pants? Why were Lyon and Bacchus here? Did he just see Jellal leaving the guild? Is that a _table_ sticking out of one of the walls? Most importantly, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO ALL THE BOOZE?

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Makarov demanded, shouting loud enough to call everyone's attention to himself. They stared at him dumbly for a few moments. "WELL?"

The guild members all shared a look before collectively responding, "Natsu." And scurrying away to anywhere that _wasn't the guild._ Makarov glared daggers at the young fire mage that was smiling sheepishly in the midst of the hell that had broken loose.

"At least I got to kiss Lucy before I died."

**Aaaaaand that happened. Don't ask me why. This was just something that needed to be written and introduced to the world. Sorry about the making out and the pantsless Natsu... SORRY I'M NOT SORRY :D**

**Everyone seemed WAY OOC, but that is okay with me... Just this once.**


	2. Guest Appearance

**So I decided to write another chapter of crack and just put it under the same thing as 'Chaos' because why not. I seriously wrote this chapter because three lines of dialogue popped into my mind and I just HAD to share them with you all. It was way too good to pass up.**

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"You just _had_ to blow up the old man's house, didn't you?" Gray exclaimed, slamming the doors to the guild open. No one bothered to watch, excluding Juvia, as he stomped inside, throwing himself onto a bench near one of the tables. Somehow his shirt managed to evaporate into thin air somewhere between the train station and the guild, not that he noticed.

"Oi, you say that like it's _my fault_!" Natsu yelled back, a bit of fire spewing out of his mouth as he did so. He took a seat across from Gray, lazily placing his chin in his palm as he glared daggers at his stripper of a teammate.

"Aye!" Happy agreed, landing beside Natsu on the table. He honestly wasn't paying attention. There was a fish that needed attending to.

"Maybe that's because it _is_ your fault, you fire-inhaling dumbass." The ice mage retorted, ripping off his pants and tossing them in some odd direction.

Juvia swooned at a nearby table, not-so-subtly drooling at her view of the boxer-clad boy. Levy slid a dish below the water woman's mouth so that her drool wouldn't get all over the table and eventually, her books. Gajeel pretended not to care that he was sitting beside the petite bookworm, though it was painfully (Oh, so painfully) obvious that he did.

Lucy dragged in a few moments after them, mumbling dejectedly about being kicked out on the streets for not paying her rent. She took a seat beside Natsu, slamming her face into the table to hide her sobs. A dark aura formed around her as she continued to mutter to herself about having to fight off dirty homeless men in the middle of the night.

Erza was the next to return, pulling her massive cart of luggage behind her. She dropped it's handle near the table where her teammates sat before going to take a seat next to Gray. A small smile made its way to her face, totally oblivious to the hostility and depression lingering in the air.

"I think the mission went rather well, don't you?" She declared, looking to each of her teammates expectantly.

"We destroyed most of the city." Lucy muttered sadly. "We didn't even get the reward."

"Erza only enjoyed it because we happened to come across Crime Sorciere on the way." The dark haired exhibitionist teased.

His snickers morphed into a shriek of terror as he found a sharp blade pointed directly at his neck. The look on Erza's face dared him to say anything more about the situation. With his audible gulp and a hurried apology, the sword was withdrawn. The scarlet haired beauty smirked to herself, turning back to eat the strawberry cake that magically materialized out of thin air to sit before her.

"Anyways, we would've gotten the reward if this idiot didn't have to fuck everything up." Gray grumbled, jabbing a thumb in Natsu's direction.

"You didn't do much better, Ice Queen." The dragon slayer yelled back, slamming a flaming fist into the table. Miraculously, the _wooden table_ didn't catch fire. How this was possible, no one would ever be able to explain. "I'm pretty sure you turned a few onlookers into ice cubes by accident."

"At least I was smart enough to know not to demolish our client's house!" The ice mage exclaimed, standing up from the bench to glare down at his rival.

"You tryin' to call me stupid?" Natsu screamed, standing up to meet his unspoken challenge.

"That's exactly what I'm doing!" Gray spat back, readying himself for a fight.

"Hell, I'll bet you're dumber than I am!" The fire mage hissed.

"Hah! Your brain's so small, even Edward Elric would look tall standing next to it!" The dark haired exhibitionist screamed, flailing his arms about like an idiot.

All of a sudden, something flew through the wall of the guild. There was a blur of black, red, and blonde before the object's foot slammed into the side of Gray's face, sending him flying into one of the other tables. Standing where he used to be was a man with long, braided blonde hair and bangs. He stomped about angrily whilst screaming, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLIN' SO SMALL YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM WITHOUT A MICROSCOPE?" The man then proceeded to back flip out of the guild the same way he came.

"Did... Did you just summon the Fullmetal Alchemist by telling a short joke?" Lucy asked, staring dumbfounded at the crumpled heap of Gray lying on one of the broken tables.

Natsu started laughing uncontrollably, even going so far as to roll on the ground. Erza continued to eat her cake unfazed. In fact, the entire guild seemed to go on with their business as if a raging character from another anime didn't just break through the wall solely to kick one of their members in the face. Was that really not surprising?

"How are you guys so calm about that?" The celestial mage screamed in frustration, pulling on her blonde locks.

"Oh hey, look. There's a hole in the wall." Cana commented dully before going back to drowning herself in alcohol.

"Is there really?" Mira asked, placing the glass she was drying back on the bar. "Oh goodness! When did that happen?"

Lucy slapped a hand to her forehead, dragging it down across her face. Had everyone really become so accustomed to Team Natsu's antics that they didn't even notice when something as terrifyingly beautiful as that happened? The blonde turned her attention back to where Gray had landed, revealing him to be unconscious with Juvia desperately trying to nurse him back to health. She sighed, looking over to Natsu, who had fallen asleep on the floor shortly after his laughing fit had stopped.

The girl wordlessly left the guild, dragging her feet all the way to her home. Her mind was still trying to process what had just occurred. She had no explanation for the day's events and all she truly wanted was to go sleep it off and never speak of it again. Yes, that sounded wonderful.

"Fairy Tail has to be the definition of chaos."

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**Oops I made a thing. Oops this was really stupid. Oh well. I guess this will just be the place that I shove all of my little crack fics that randomly form in my mind. This idea started out with a short joke and then just manifested in my mind and I couldn't stop it. Oops.**


	3. Let's Talk About Sex

**Oh look, more crack. My hyperactive mind decided to throw alcohol into the mix this time, seeing as I've been roleplaying Cana on Tumblr. This should be interesting... And fucked up. Mostly fucked up. Oh well, please enjoy~**

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Lucy pushed to doors to the guild open, immediately hit with the strong smell of alcohol and sweat. Ahh, home. She let a smile grace her lips as she walked through the guild. Dodging a flying bottle, she headed towards the seat she normally took at the bar. Just as she was about to sit down, a card landed in front of her with the words, "You owe me" printed across the front. She involuntarily let out a small scream out of shock. Once she had calmed her heart-rate back down to what it was supposed to be, she turned in the direction the card came from.

"Remember who covered your rent for this month after that failed mission~" Cana sang smugly, tipping her barrel of booze back with elegance... If you could call it that.

The celestial mage sighed, shoulders slumping. You see, our dear Lucy is a bit of a lightweight, and surely anything that involved Cana also involved alcohol. "What do you want me to do?"

The brunette slammed the barrel back down onto the table, making Lucy jump a little in surprise. She tapped a finger to her chin, mulling it over. It was almost as if a light bulb had magically appeared above her head, her eyes lighting up as she snapped her fingers. "You, me, drinking contest. Now."

"WHAT?" Lucy shrieked, looking at the card mage in sheer horror.

Macao shook his head in amusement. "Poor, innocent Lucy."

"Not so innocent after a few rounds, I hear." Wakaba joked, elbowing his friend in the side. Macao punched him in the side of the head for being an old pervert, effectively sending him flying.

The blonde slid onto the bench across from Cana, slamming her face into the table. "Why does it have to be a drinking contest?" She moaned, unable to even begin to fathom the headache she would have in the morning.

"I don't know if you've noticed this, Lucy... But I'm a bit of an alcoholic." Cana confessed, twirling a strand of dark brown hair around her finger.

"... Nope, haven't noticed." The celestial mage retorted sarcastically.

So a few barrels down the road, Lucy was completely shit-faced. Well, Cana drank a few barrels anyways. The blonde was swaying a bit on the bench, giggling like a moron. The crowd that had gathered to watch this alleged drinking 'contest', were all shaking their heads at the scene before them. Their guildmate was totally trashed already.

"Lucy, you've only put down one bottle of sake." Cana deadpanned, watching the girl in front of her attempt to stand up.

"And Cana drank at least five barrels." Macao added, tone almost as flat as Cana's. "She doesn't even have a buzz."

"I'll tell... _you_ something!" Lucy slurred, eyes half lidded as she pointed at an empty barrel. "Sake is the shit." She was barely able to finish her sentence before she burst out into another fit of hysterical giggles. "Am I in the Matrix?"

"Being a lightweight is not MAN." Elfman announced, flexing his humongous (probably steroid-induced) biceps. Evergreen smacked him upside the head for being an idiot.

"What are y'all waitin' for? Ain't this a parrrty~?" Lucy exclaimed, attempting to stand up on the table with an enthusiastic shout. Unfortunately, her foot slipped in her drunken stupor and her jaw connected harshly with the edge of the table. She slid down to the floor, completely oblivious to the paled forms of her guildmates around her. "Owww. Oopsies."

"Lu-Chan..." Levy whined, pushing herself to the front of the crowd. "Are you okay?"

"Fuck yeah!" She exclaimed, rolling over onto her back. She threw her hands into the air, ignoring the relieved sighs of her peers. Finally, the crowd began to disperse. They each continued with their normal activities as if Lucy wasn't acting like a bumbling idiot and spouting complete nonsense.

"Look, Cana-chan." Lucy giggled, slamming the empty bottle of sake into the edge of the table. The glass broke, leaving jagged points at the end. The blonde held the bottle up, examining it. An unsettling grin spread across her features. "I could commit homicide with this." She whispered gruffly.

"You're scary when you're drunk." Cana commented, snatching the broken glass from Lucy's hands. She carelessly tossed it backwards, not even bothering to turn around when someone let out a shriek somewhere along the lines of, 'Ahh, what the fuck!'

Natsu stepped inside the guild to see his guildmates seated at their usual tables, though it seemed something was out of place. Ahh, the fact that some drunken girl was sitting with Cana. Curiosity getting the better of him, he walked towards their table, only to find his blonde partner ever-so-gracefully sprawled out across the table. His eyes widened as the scent of alcohol hit his nose. He slowly turned his head to glare at Cana.

"Did you give her booze?" He asked the brunette, frown only deepening when she smirked at him.

"We had a bit of a drinking contest. Turns out she's a major lightweight." The card mage snickered, ignoring the dragon slayer's pointed glare.

"What have you... done?!" He shrieked, his hands going up to pull at his pink locks in exasperation, facial expression changing from serious to panicked in a fraction of a millisecond. "Did you _hear_ about what happened the last time she got drunk?"

"Did she fuck somebody?" Cana asked, leaning forward as if she had just learned about something she could use for blackmail.

Natsu gaped at how blunt she stated that. "No!" He replied hurriedly. "She got really weird! Weirder than normal!"

"... So there was no sex?" The fortune teller honestly looked a little disappointed that she didn't have any good dirt.

"What's this about sex?" Mira chimed in, popping out of nowhere in particular. Her light azure eyes were shining with the fierce need to matchmake. "I hope to see little guild members running around soon!" She added with a giggle.

"Sex?"

"Sex!"

"Oh, so sexual."

"Did you say sex?"

"Let's talk about sex~"

"NOTHING ABOUT SEX!" Natsu screamed, desperately looking for a way out of the crowd of people that had formed around him.

"Oi, Natsu." Gray called, pushing his way through the crowd. Do I really have to tell you that he was missing a shirt? Or pants? Hell, probably his boxers too. "What're you talking about sex for? Pervert."

"What?" The salmon headed boy exclaimed indignantly. "I wasn't even talking about sex!"

"But... sex is MAN." Elfman declared, once again flexing his nearly impossibly large muscles.

"Ever would know." Bixlow snickered, before being sent flying across the guild and into a wall by the hands of Evergreen herself.

"I trust that you are taking precautions." Erza stated dangerously, a threatening aura forming around her as she towered over the dragon slayer.

They all started moving closer to Natsu, bombarding the poor boy with tips and explanations and questions. He was starting to suffocate, quite literally, as they closed in on him. He was about to start punching his way towards an exit.

"Hi guys, what're you all talking about?" Wendy asked sweetly, walking up to the crowd of people with Romeo not too far behind her.

"NOTHING!" Was the collective response as they all hurried to their respective tables... again.

"What was that about?" Romeo asked, sweatdropping. Wendy merely shrugged in response.

Lucy was finally able to pry herself from the top of the table, leaning against it for support. Natsu turned his attention back to the blonde, trying desperately to push that conversation into the deepest depths of his mind and never think of it again. A few of their suggestions were highly disturbing, especially the fact that Gajeel felt the need to inform him about the mating process... As if Igneel didn't teach him that already!

"You should probably take her home, you know." Cana suggested, watching Lucy stretching out the top of her shirt to stare down it.

Natsu nodded, skipping the part where he was supposed to try and get her to walk normally and just throwing the inebriated girl over his shoulder. He made his way across the guild, ignoring the amused looks and cat-calls of his friends.

The card mage watched Natsu walked towards the doors with a smirk. The moment he was about to step outside the guild, Cana screamed, "AND USE PROTECTION!"

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**I don't even know, g****uys. I don't even know. There aren't words to express how I feel about this chapter. This is neither positive, nor negative. Anyways, leave me a review and tell me what you think. Any requests for crack will also be taken, but I'm not sure how long it will take me to write it.**


	4. Natsu in Hell

**I felt like writing more crack :D The thing about this chapter is that I'm completely winging it. I don't even have an idea as to where this would possibly be going. I'm hoping that once I start writing, ideas will happen. Reaaaaaaally short.**

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Natsu's eyes fluttered open, only to be met with various different shades of blue. He rubbed his head as he sat up, wishing his headache away. The dragon slayer sniffed the air, finding himself surrounded by ice. He immediately shot to his feet, head whipping around as he searched for his rival.

"Come on out, Ice Prick. This ain't funny." Natsu growled, lighting his fists. He slammed one into the nearest wall of ice, utterly confused when his flames didn't melt it. They didn't even leave a dent!

"That won't work, you know." A smooth voice cooed, belonging to the figure that seemed to materialize out of thin air. The man was clad in a floor length navy coat and light blue slacks. His hair, a shocking shade of azure, was spiked up and out of the way of his pale face. "This ice is unmeltable."

"Huh? Who're you?" The fire mage asked, preparing himself for a battle with this guy.

"Technically, I'm Satan." The male smirked, watching pure confusion consume Natsu's face. "Merely a different version of myself."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're in Hell, kid." Satan chuckled. "You see, we did a little background check on you and decided that the fiery chasm of eternal suffering we normally send people to would be more like a playground to someone with your magic. Instead we created this-" He raised his arms up, gesturing to the ice all around them. "- room full of unmeltable ice!"

"What?" He shrieked, pulling his hands up to his face. "I'm dead? I don't feel dead! Did I die in my sleep? Igneel will be so disappointed in me! What a lame way to die! What about the guild? What about my team? Who's gonna take care of Happy? Who's gonna break into Lucy's house? Who's gonna help Lucy make her rent?"

Satan grew frustrated as the boy continued to ramble, spewing fire all over the place as he did so. "Shut up!"

Natsu looked over to the man clad in all blue, giving him a once over before, "What did I even do to get here? There are so many things I've never eaten! What about the old man? He's gonna kill me when he finds out I'm dead! And Erza..." He paused to shiver, "I don't even wanna know what she'll do to me when she finds out! What about Ice Princess? No way I died before he did!"

"Would you stop talking?!" The bluenette screeched, tugging on his hair in exasperation.

"What about surpassing Erza? Laxus? Gildarts? Gah! Gildarts is gonna be angry too! How am I going to explain this? What'll I do? I haven't even gotten to retake the S-class exam!"

Unable to take it anymore, Satan walked out of the room. He slammed the door behind him, locking it before tossing the key to a shirtless man with dark hair who was leaning against the wall. Beside him stood two girls, one blonde, the other red headed. They all waited patiently for him to speak.

"Your friend is an idiot." 'Satan' grumbled, pulling off his ridiculous garb to reveal normal street clothes. "He didn't even listen to Satan." He exclaimed, stomping off in some other direction, muttering to himself all the while.

Gray turned to the other two. "So how long do you think it'll take him to figure out he's not actually in Hell?"

Erza shook her head in response, unsure herself. This whole ordeal seemed ridiculous to her.

Lucy placed her hands on her hips. "Why did you lock him in there anyways?" She asked, curious.

The dark headed ice mage shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. "I wanted to make sure my new unmeltable ice was working."

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**Well, this turned out differently than originally expected, as always. Maybe you'll like it, I'm not sure. Anyways, reviews are much appreciated.**


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